Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather. ~John Ruskin
It’s been a year since I’ve written anything aside from journal entries. After we had to put my Cabo to sleep, and the strife that came with that difficult time, I haven’t felt much like opening myself up. I circled the wagons, shut things down, and just journaled. Sharing, in any shape or form, came with too much vulnerability to criticism, and for a long time, I did not want to share anything with anyone.
As 2017 gave way to 2018, I began to heed my internal lectures about not being writer if one doesn’t actually, you know, write anything. I came up with various excuses for the past month or so, mostly about not having time…
Then, today I walked out of my office building during the lunch hour, into weather that just invigorated me. I doubt I’m the only one who feels this, but weather is inextricably tied to memories of places I’ve been or lived. Today, the mix of sun, clouds, chill, and warming rays immediately transported me to my childhood in Germany. So many days spent there under the same weather conditions…chill mornings, sun breaking through clouds, streets drying from a short rain storm. I felt like a child again. Weather does that for me. Rough surf under dark skies takes me back to standing on a Dutch beach as a storm rolled in; warm, springlike days take me home to my collegiate days in San Diego, while humid, breezy days evoke the sheer joy of being in Hawaii, my soul’s home.
I am haunted by weather and memories. A year ago almost to the day, the Southern Arizona weather was cool at night, warm and breezy during the day – sun mixed with rain and clouds, just like today. We prepared ourselves as best we could for letting my sweet boy to go, to release him from his pain and his discomfort. Today, the weather came back and whispered to me to release the pain again.
And so I am.